Karolina finds her place on the pitch
|Becoming part of the Polish team has given Karolina a support network of 18 people she can turn to about anything. Image: Anita Milas
“This tournament makes me feel that I am worth so much more.”
By Rebecca Corbett
[Trigger warning: This interview includes mentions of sexual assault, abuse, and suicide]
Karolina Kowalska exudes confidence – sitting in the Seoul sunshine she talks proudly about representing Poland and her teammates at the Seoul 2024 Homeless World Cup – a personal support network who she trusts and can talk to about anything.
The 19-year-old has always been confident and happy to speak her mind but at points in her life she has felt like she doesn’t have a single person to turn to, so having her 18 teammates and coaches from the Poland squad is a novelty.
Growing up there was a lot of turbulence at home. From childhood, Karolina’s relationships with her friends and family have been tested and at points broke down completely leaving her feeling completely alone.
|Despite her personal struggles, Karolina always performed well at school and was one of the top students. Image: Angelica Ibarra Rodriguez
Wanting to escape, she started to drink alcohol in primary school, and then at 15 she started to smoke and at 16 she started to take drugs.
Throughout this time, her mum would be out in town every night looking for her and bringing her home, cleaning her room and giving her money for food. Karolina would often spend the money on drugs and was repeatedly verbally abusive to her mum.
“From the day when I started, I couldn’t live without it one day. I took drugs every day and drank alcohol every day and smoked weed.”
Despite this, Karolina was a good student – consistently performing well at school and top in her classes. However, her teachers started to notice her coming to class whilst on drugs and her performances started to drop.
While before she was eloquent and a quick learner, she would struggle to express herself and lost her ability to do simple maths problems and couldn’t focus for long enough to read a book.
It wasn’t just her academic ability that was overwhelmed by the drugs that were overtaking her body, her personality started to change too. On the one hand, Karolina explained, she was calmer and less argumentative with her family.
As a result, for a long time Karolina hid that it was drugs which were changing her behaviour. However, the way she saw herself started to change too, her confidence slowly ebbing away.
“I’m a strong woman, I’m confident - when I don’t like something, I say it. Then I lost it because someone told me, do this, and I’d do it.”
|“We are Poland. We had to train a lot to be here and I’m proud.” Image: Anita Milas
During this time, 16-year-old Karolina was often with drug dealers – older men who would take advantage of her.
“I was in the worst time in my life because the older men who sells drugs would say ‘you’re my girlfriend’, I was sixteen and on drugs and thought this is amazing, I’m incredible, but I was raped so many times.
“I think the day when I realised I was going to be dead was when I was in the middle of the night, I went with a person I didn’t know 50km from my house to a shed in the middle of the woods. There was no toilet, there is nothing, he gave me drugs and wanted to do something weird with me and I had two ways – give up and be raped or pretend to like him and escape.”
Pretending to like him, Karolina told him they should meet the next day when they weren’t on drugs and thankfully, he agreed, and she was able to get away.
“[However] it didn’t stop me because I was like, oh I was lucky, that was nothing and it took me a year [and starting therapy] to realise that that was not awesome but terrible.”
She continued like this until one day she nearly died.
A turning point
She’d been rushed to hospital and after three days she opened her eyes.
Nearly dying didn’t stop her wanting to take drugs, the pull of addiction was so strong, but her mum had other plans. She insisted Karolina go to rehabilitation.
Knowing she would probably die if she didn’t go, Karolina agreed.
“My mum never gave up. She was going to the city and looking for me every night for two years.”
It took 16 months for Karolina to slowly ease off her addiction to drugs and alcohol and begin to think about a new approach to life.
While she was completing her rehabilitation programme Karolina met former Homeless World Cup player Arkadiusz Głowacki who represented Poland at the Sacramento 2023 Homeless World Cup.
|“I met the girls, and they became my friends” Image: Anita Milas
Support and solidarity on the pitch
Karolina had never played football, but Arkadiusz was persuasive and after she met Polish coaches Maciej and Marlena and met the players she was convinced that it could be for her. She’d found a sense of solidarity among her teammates which kept her coming back.
“I met the girls, and they became my friends, it’s beautiful because they aren’t lying to me, so that’s when I decided, this is my place. It takes us a long time to trust someone because of our lives but we had to prove our honesty and commitment to each other. We do everything together and you can’t forget people like this. If I didn’t play football, I would be in a bad place right now.”
Her mum and dad are watching from Poland too. “My mum makes me feel like I win [regardless of the score]. She is my fan - she watches all my matches. I think she feels like a hero - she always thought – it was my win that you are clean. My dad is now my best friend.”
Since completing her rehabilitation and joining the Poland squad, Karolina’s whole outlook on life has changed and she finally feels at peace with herself and supported by the people around her.
“When you are in the time in your life and you could die, you have nothing – no friends, no family, no nothing because you hate your friends and your family, and you see only death in front of you. Now I’m here, I have bad times, I have good times, but I am alive, and I want to do everything in my life.”
The Polish women’s team have a unique warm up, before every game all the players individually hug one another and their coaches and support team.
“It’s like we’re one organism, we play together – if you are good, the whole team is good.”
|Poland finished third in the Women’s Seoul 2024 Homeless World Cup. Image: Anita Milas
“It matters that I am here”
From feeling like she had nothing to becoming part of the team from Poland, Karolina now feels significant and is proud of her achievements and her ability on the pitch.
“Maybe I’m not Robert Lewandowski but we are here from Poland. We had to train a lot to be here and I’m proud. It wasn’t easy to train, to make the sacrifices – I wanted to give up many times, but I handled it, I survived and I’m happy. It matters that I am here.”
“I am here because I can play, and I have the heart to play. That maybe doesn’t matter to other people, but it matters to me and how I see myself. I think it’s the strongest feeling in the world – how you feel about yourself. This tournament makes me feel that I am worth so much more.
“Two years ago, I was 17 and I could only think about killing myself, I wanted to be dead. Now it’s amazing because I can live. I should be dead because of what I took for so much of my life so I think I must be alive for a reason - and this is the reason. Taking part in this tournament and meeting new people - I’ve found my place.”
Poland are represented by Stowarzyszenie Reprezentacja Polski Bezdomnych.
Support players like Karolina and donate to the Homeless World Cup.
Words: Rebecca Corbett
Images: Anita Milas / Angelica Ibarra Rodriguez